You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
