sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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