I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
