found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
