im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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