Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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