In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
