it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
