people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
