Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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