It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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