I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
