if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
