I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
