you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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