I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
