All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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