dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
