she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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