I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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