I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
