32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize