Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
