i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
