Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
