Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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