$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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