I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
