i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
