sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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