i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
