I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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