wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
