Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
