remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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