Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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