your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
50% drunk capacity currently
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
