Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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