I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
