Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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