Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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