Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
