Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
