i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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