i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
