I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
