Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
