i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize