Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize