Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize