Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
