Got a toothbrush?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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