i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
