I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
