don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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