bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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