I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't notice because vodka
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
