but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
