i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
