She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize