i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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