I can text with my tongue
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
