so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
