Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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