I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I met the friendliest cop last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
