I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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