Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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