Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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