So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
