i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
