I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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