My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
