So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize