Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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