I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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