hotel room ftw
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
