Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
