I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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